Why Do People Marry?

Ask yourself this question, "Why do people marry?" To many people the answer is quite simple. People get married because they "fall in love." This familiar expression implies that a couple has no control over the mate selection process. It leaves it all up to chance. This theory of accidental mate selection and marriage lifts the burden of failure off the participants' shoulders and places it on fate. If the marriage does not work, or if either spouse is dissatisfied, it certainly could not be the fault of the couple. They had no control over their destiny. It was all a matter of chance.

Mate selection is really one of the most accurate choosing processes that we engage in. But many people are not aware of the choice they are making. Equally important, they are not aware of why they are choosing as they are.

People marry for a variety of reasons. Some motives for marriage are more sound and will probably lead to sound marriages. Other motives are not realistic and increase the chances of unfulfilled expectations in marriage.

Wrong Reasons
Some motivations for marriage such as marrying to appear grown up, or to be freed of parents' supervision may lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship. Many marriages fail because the participants expect it to change them into better people. Marriage does not change people. It cannot make an immature person an adult, or an unhappy person happy.

Another poor reason to marry is to deal with sexual urges that have been awakened. Marriage provides an acceptable outlet for sexual gratification. But unless there is a solid emotional foundation, a marriage based on sex will be unfulfilling. The same is true for a marriage formed to combat loneliness that compelled the couple to marry. Loneliness will still exist only now they can be lonely together. Premarital pregnancy is another negative reason to marry. When this is the only factor that holds two people together, the couple will soon feel trapped and may start to resent each other and the child.

A marriage based on any selfish motive, combating loneliness, achieving sexual gratification, gaining adult status, or any others in which personal gratification rather than mutual satisfaction is stressed, may lead to unhappiness with the relationship. Although there are many reasons for marriage, one basic premise remains. People marry in order to have their needs fulfilled. Mate selection is based on the fulfillment of mutual needs.
We search for the mate who can help us and whom we can help achieve satisfaction. If we can achieve satisfaction with our lives before marriage, there is a better chance that we will achieve satisfaction in marriage.

Marriage is a two-way relationship in which the needs of two people should be satisfied. In order for the relationship to last and grow, each member must be able to overlook selfish desires ad try to fulfill the needs of the other.

Right Reasons
There is no one reason for marriage that is better than any other. The right reasons for marriage are all based on the mutual gratification of needs. Couples often marry to form a partnership in which they fulfill each others needs and desires. Marriages such as this are based on mature love. Mature love is based on needing someone because you love them rather than immature love where you love someone because you need them. Other couples marry for companionship and sharing in which they fulfill their emotional needs and physical needs. Marriages in which sharing, love, and companionship are provided are likely to grow and flourish with time.

Marriage is an important commitment that does not come about accidentally. People may want to avoid their responsibility for mate selection by blaming it on chance and leaving their marital success up to "chance" as well. But mate selection is a deliberate process in which we choose our mate according to our needs, although couples sometimes don't recognize this.

People enter marriage with preconceived notions of what it will be like. These marital scripts impose a role on one's spouse that may or may not fit their own expectations. Before assuming the responsibilities of marriage it is important to become aware of these expectations and needs.

Clearly recognizing needs and expectations of ourselves and our spouse, and discussing them before marriage will help us enter marriage more realistically with more than just a "chance" of success.

Samet Bilir a freelance writer who writes about practical technology and online shopping. Read more about his work at azframes.com, a web site for digital photo frame reviews, such as Coby digital photo frames.

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6 Respones to "Why Do People Marry?"

shyrgil said...


December 1, 2011 at 3:58 AM
Herbert said...

Ayee ka jan :D

December 1, 2011 at 6:12 AM
Conceive Baby Girl said...

Samet, I've never thought about marriage this way... It is certainly an interesting observation that people who said they have married because they "fell in love" are placing THEIR responsibility ON some unknown force OUTSIDE of them. They fall in love like rabbits are falling in the rabbit-hole. And when they - non surprisingly - become unhappy, again it's not *their* fault!
I personally feel that marriage made me a better person, but I surely have worked on it:)

December 1, 2011 at 11:08 PM
air said...

marriage is the holy matrimony in-front of our Lord

December 2, 2011 at 12:27 AM
Herbert said...

@Air: You are truly right, Marriage is sacred

December 2, 2011 at 4:32 AM
Miles said...

Interesting topic. I think some couples marry out of tradition... But I quite agree that the right reasons for marriage should be based on the mutual gratification of needs.

December 8, 2011 at 9:28 PM

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